tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.comments2014-02-04T17:29:48.168-07:00Hurt - BPD JournalsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-640828355437044412014-02-04T17:29:48.168-07:002014-02-04T17:29:48.168-07:00Thanx for the topic! I found this the other day on...Thanx for the topic! I found this the other day onna blog 4 bipolar folks. I added to it and edited it and made it mine inna first person as if I grasped the whole concept which I don’t yet but I ‘aspire’. I'd like to change these things too:<br />• Not burn bridges w/ people when I'm upset and <br />• not react in such an out bursting and manipulative way when I'm offended or upset. <br />when I'm offended or upset “The Talker” in my head who is always running a continuous narrative is stuck in the duality that makes judgments based on past abuse and does not allow me to experience the world of now. Does not allow me to experience the world without this reactive judgementalism. It’s the same thing as a knee jerk reaction. I am trying to put on ‘The Watcher’ who lives outside of duality & sees the whole as equally valuable. This watcher mite be like ur wayne dywyer character; the not u but wish I had his life, insights, opportunities, success, social skills etc. It’s a higher self and consciousness I am aspiring to rather than have right now but see as mine someday when I am whole. “The Watcher” is Mindful of what is really happening because “The Watcher” does not ignore or accentuate details based on my past triggers. Triggers shut me out from perceiving the whole picture. I end up focusing on moving away from the more uncomfortable aspects of the experiences & miss the insights that are available in them. Saint Teresa said, “The pain is still there. It bothers me so little now I feel my soul is served by it”. ”Saint Teresa of Ávila<br /> could hold onto contentment no matter what“The Watcher” was telling her. I can see we can make decisions based on wisdom & the equal input from “The Talker” &“The Watcher” Awareness of “The Watcher” can give me another source of information that helps me do what is right not necessarily what satisfies my ego<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05344453086143435908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-69068969050558513242014-02-04T15:52:30.834-07:002014-02-04T15:52:30.834-07:00a sense if power over them? yes i guess that is so...a sense if power over them? yes i guess that is some of the reason i do it/and to b visible. like she say in fatal attraction; "i will not b ignored!' They can't get away for the moment but they are looking 4 the exit and they will remember u and try 2 avoid u next time. 'All wild deeds live on'~Jackson Browne<br />To control, to get a "rise".by controlling what they hear not caring if it's offensive-is abuse. somehow this knowing is cut off in me at times wen i am triggered. wen i m triggered i m n my fite, flite or freeze mode. no access to the processing pt of my brain, only living inna reactivity. no choices there to be kind to anuther person=just reacting to the ghosts of the past who abused me. (this is a flashback!) then it b-cumz a boundary issue. i get mad, don't care how u feel, just wannu make my point cuz i don't care anymore. fine! if ur already evicted anyway fr where u wannu lay ur bomb it is a form of protest! u can already no u have no friend in that sort of setting.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05344453086143435908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-20135793902981868882014-02-01T09:26:59.209-07:002014-02-01T09:26:59.209-07:00I have BPD too :) I have BPD too :) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com