tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90487072996386623222024-03-05T18:50:40.740-07:00Hurt - BPD JournalsUtah psyche-ward journals of one with BPD. Daughter of a sociopath.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-27193361519137557872017-02-14T04:01:00.002-07:002017-02-14T04:01:41.657-07:00I'm mad crazyI tried to pretend I was normal.<br />
<br />
I was found out.<br />
<br />
And he left.<br />
<br />
He actually stayed away this time when I pushed him away.<br />
<br />
The most painful word,<br />
<br />
"Goodbye."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-65318331515683471362015-08-04T18:44:00.001-06:002015-08-04T18:44:06.710-06:00BoogymanSitting in the back of our station wagon, my mom broke the news and it broke my heart. "Not <i>my </i>dad! How could he!" I was warned of the boogyman since I could walk. I was just finding out that my dad was a boogyman. He selfishly hurt our close family friend. Charges weren't pressed because she was afraid her dad would end up in prison for killing him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-12461377924623498362015-07-18T11:39:00.001-06:002015-07-18T11:39:29.748-06:00Chemical straight jacketI'll put on my chemical straight jacket and everything will be moot.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-5332965638269267842015-07-18T11:37:00.001-06:002015-07-18T11:37:44.815-06:00AngerI am feeling angry because I hate myself and wish I would just die already. I'm a mistake. Unwanted. Yet I feel sorry for myself when there are ones who are worse off than I am. I'm so selfish and rude. Uncaring and disgusting. The only reason I am alive to write this is so my children don't lose their mother to suicide. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-5811875951717388052015-07-06T21:16:00.001-06:002015-07-06T21:16:25.028-06:00Pre Traumatic Stress SyndromeIt's going on now. Not then. Currently. Hugs and nudges and sick mindedness. It festers and peaks. How does one recover from the trauma of future? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-25619560155456381292015-06-15T15:38:00.001-06:002015-06-15T15:38:41.410-06:00FaultMy dad said it was her fault because she was so rude to him. She would push his buttons. She was asking for it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-63874411607772014602015-05-22T13:16:00.001-06:002015-05-22T13:16:57.708-06:00FilthDepression is filth that you're too tired to clean away. <div><br></div><div>The obscenity of your filth is brushed away with the worlds trash.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-67638308873826028162015-05-22T13:06:00.001-06:002015-05-22T13:06:16.336-06:00PrayI pray for darkness, sickness and disease. <div><br></div><div>But only if it's me.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-79079444493363857452015-05-03T19:40:00.002-06:002015-05-03T19:40:36.940-06:00CommunicationI feel so badly right now. There is some kind of reaction going on in my body. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's the new med I am on for "the startles" or hormonal. I am super edgy like my nerves are all on the surface. I feel so badly because I yelled at Devdan tonight. It was awful. He did nothing wrong, really. I just yelled at him with such a mean voice. I guess he was already mad so when I tried to apologize he didn't care. He turned his back on me and when I told him not to, he said, "Why, you did it your whole marriage to Dad! The marriage failed because you didn't communicate!"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-16728112783019451642015-04-27T14:48:00.001-06:002015-04-27T14:48:20.006-06:00PrideI don't know if it's a turning point or just a phase, but I feel proud today. I stood up to him. I don't know anybody else who did that. There's one person but she ended up willing to take a bribe to make it all go away. But luckily the district attorney had already gotten ahold of it by then. I saw the fire and told everybody to get out! I stood up to him and didn't back down. Why should that ruin my life? He should be scared of me! I'm not afraid of him. He's folly. A liar! A cheater! I've seen the boogy man! I will shine my light on him and say, "Boo, boogyman!"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-11039151563358119622015-04-07T03:21:00.000-06:002015-04-07T03:21:00.952-06:00Not so straight<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thinking straight today. Ashamed of what I am. I am ashamed that I am so broken. I am to blame for hurting so many people just by being me. I intend to be a kind person spreading joy and acceptance. Instead I am a mess. A selfish abuser. I am a very bad person. I do and say the most annoying things. People disown me when I talk about my feelings. My thoughts and feelings are unacceptable.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-21691955559541081122014-11-06T21:13:00.001-07:002014-11-06T21:13:46.544-07:00I Will Not Cut<p style="margin: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut. I will not cut...</span></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-23085277532232348882014-06-06T07:35:00.001-06:002014-06-06T07:35:35.023-06:00Never fear! For Rraine is here!I've been checked out for...say...a while now. I couldn't tell you when it began. But it doesn't matter now. For this morning I woke up as Rainne. She is my dead friend who is a hero of mine. She was always so responsible and in time. She always made sure she was doing her best and believed in others. She fed he horse on time even in the dead of winter with her puffy mittens on. I'll never forget those puffy mittons. She had a "Well let's do it" kind of attitude. Let's get it done! Let's not sit around! There are things to do and placed to go! And most if all, there are children to love who may or may not need new shoes. <div><br></div><div>When she died I promised her that I would not forget. "Lest we forget!" ran loops in my mind. Forget what? I may have forgotten what that was. But hopefully if I hitch my tether to thoughts of her, it will find me.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-71817157755109430812014-03-03T22:02:00.003-07:002015-05-03T20:13:16.354-06:00Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Music Playlist - Contribute or ListenI've seen a lot of posts in different forums asking for BPD music - or music for those with BPD.<br />
<br />
Am I missing any? If so, please let me know below. I've taken the collaborative feature off because someone removed tracks. You can save the ones you like to your own playlist. Log into spotify on the computer and right click the ones you like and then "add to playlist" then "new playlist". Let me know if you need help doing this.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVXg-mFOB5tFYvQh6kZMXI8Mtd804aFtMPUbBp6avk7Ta-zluiKfIOl_d4dwp2D5aDByVtAJfBOzgxWR698xO03o92k4-us6NKqpOAJSmKTCtMXE5BWmNrtt5zPScovrm3EuF5i4nD/s1600/Untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVXg-mFOB5tFYvQh6kZMXI8Mtd804aFtMPUbBp6avk7Ta-zluiKfIOl_d4dwp2D5aDByVtAJfBOzgxWR698xO03o92k4-us6NKqpOAJSmKTCtMXE5BWmNrtt5zPScovrm3EuF5i4nD/s320/Untitled.png" height="200" width="200" /></a><iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="380" src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify:user:12131838837:playlist:4SYirq1wqBbCWrY6YgrZWs" width="300"></iframe><br />
<br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4HMVeqf1r9cH240Ann9sJ3">Jason Mraz – A Beautiful Mess</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3xSkizCqwJ1Cy4coSMudjD">KT Tunstall – Miniature Disasters</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/586rOcAzOHkpJTA4POqO2c">Nine Inch Nails – Right Where It Belongs</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3xSkizCqwJ1Cy4coSMudjD">KT Tunstall – Miniature Disasters</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4pFnV6aV1bnEDqPDGBlrNp">Nine Inch Nails – Hurt</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3i6qNxyVgIdUZTTi5m25EM">Meredith Brooks – Bitch</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4Vn7TykT27PIygBiZjTR2s">Eagles – Hotel California</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5rpRzNcJZqKQXk9PIjreB6">Johnny Cash – Hurt</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5ugzDiilhy6ILKmKfhEzd7">Nine Inch Nails – The Hand That Feeds</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5RgFlk1fcClZd0Y4SGYhqH">Billy Joel – She's Always a Woman</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4FMNpPI7mkhdeFCCk6fZiE">Madonna – Borderline</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3f3omU8n47Mqyab5nCaGyT">Kelly Clarkson – Because of You</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6Uy6K3KdmUdAfelUp0SeXn">Sara Bareilles – Brave</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/35hW18HrovbypDjBg1R2kw">P!nk – True Love</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/41idour8R9nElmvU5lLMdH">P!nk – How Come You're Not Here</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1VQozjsttylAZVgi7jpDlT">P!nk – Don't Let Me Get Me - LP Version/Radio Edit</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1iDYoLIMqZjp7CCaI6uFTr">Sheryl Crow – Strong Enough</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/49t1GWE6ZiEoBgN92oMDdM">Hole – Doll Parts</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0h4fRpHrxBeR3XWHmcolaU">Garbage – Stupid Girl</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6vrUTGn5p8IrfTZ0J6sIVM">The Goo Goo Dolls – Iris</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5OvHeIRp9lF3P39udvu1RZ">Rihanna – Disturbia</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/72gGeQ0dZ7E8RlBeNJNJkb">Eminem – The Monster</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2owDF9qlezoSME7JUlSuH8">Alanis Morissette – So Unsexy</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7yXkcu1PpHLs8ULtESC8mB">Alanis Morissette – Eight Easy Steps</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/56sk7jBpZV0CD31G9hEU3b">Three Days Grace – Animal I Have Become</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1Q2fYlSdwuutWj3QplhY9q">Three Days Grace – Riot</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6L89mwZXSOwYl76YXfX13s">Green Day – Basket Case</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/41pFyxOpS119Pb8JEzhx0w">Green Day – Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - feat. John Gallagher Jr., Rebecca Naomi Jones, Stark Sands, Company [Album Version]</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1nZzRJbFvCEct3uzu04ZoL">Katy Perry – Part Of Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/571ehsfce4PG7twZJiCo0K">Björk – Play Dead</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6VydIDQPWheErkri1koT5S">Linkin Park – Burning In The Skies</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0QwCwYXGtBvSy80Y4DoLb8">Sarah McLachlan – Silence - DJ Tiësto's in Search of Sunrise Remix</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2SiqlgLMfKQbczSMRp8drY">Blue October – Into The Ocean</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1tL40tfdtUaSLek4DvDDr3">Blue October – Hate Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4lnkaMinjBYCr8e274AhUo">Merle Haggard – Ever-Changing Woman</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3VZWVvHjzkG60FyVUkTcy5">Disturbed – Asylum</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3GfoWuyiGYXMoWuwMHmYQf">Dave Matthews Band – Grey Street</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4HUYjDgnAHkrNCihQo7J5C">Stone Sour – Unfinished</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/26658g5gaViKD0e3UYAqPE">Seether – Broken - Featuring Amy Lee</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2DrEeo4eMULdAVe1U7P9PB">Nirvana – Lithium</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3HfB5hBU0dmBt8T0iCmH42">Radiohead – Creep</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/02mAiGDubKsELYRjXbgEVI">Elisa – Dancing</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0uCdi39iBbemx1JmkaATNE">Sia – Breathe Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/449umqP4Ul2FD9yKef3kdS">Cindy Morgan – Can You Hear Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4cgxxvNzyrXka2rfNCb9x4">Thurston Moore – Psychic Hearts</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5QWXGckgZz97tE2Dzvr8zI">Janis Joplin – Down On Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/50u8ir57bTUpFpmLqsfyVG">Céline Dion – I Want You To Need Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0kPeymTUiaidv48eRrMISu">Kim Carnes – Bette Davis Eyes</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2RWraN4ZkuqjcNQAlBNGEH">Janis Joplin – Piece Of My Heart</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2qESkHBZ2VThboOnosYFBk">Ingrid Michaelson – Be OK</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7xgJbNnd8semiXwrA19Mya">Kaulana Kanekoa and Vince Esquire – Somewhere Over The Rainbow</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6uJFhDjxBBcMGd22qXFcPA">Finger Eleven – Good Times</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5ceGigL7CZQ3Ih6W8SIbv8">Puddle Of Mudd – Blurry</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2aV16YTWlzIc9lXlCsD07S">Nirvana – Dumb</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3kdSHY9ZQIjyg4Q68YG4Qz">Oingo Boingo – No One Lives Forever</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5RbjZdW8vLZQJpRAZwNIdX">Five For Fighting – Superman (It's Not Easy)</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4gs07VlJST4bdxGbBsXVue">John Mayer – Heartbreak Warfare</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/219KQPYoy3TDblJ3DCUFz4">Natalie Merchant – My Skin</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2F8mhprAH20PKf32agtk1d">Limp Bizkit – Behind Blue Eyes</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2UREu1Y8CO4jXkbvqAtP7g">Skillet – Monster</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1dgRDWKetY9JkDkvI64fLD">Rise Against – Life Less Frightening</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5O6yk6U8L3rTbFsIwuqe8H">Adele – Turning Tables</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0faXHILILebCGnJBPU6KJJ">Breaking Benjamin – The Diary of Jane</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4l9McBjRa2yixeRGjtQPwK">Joshua Radin – When You Find Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4yAEzjMpN9RZxZLqjqmW0X">Jimmy Eat World – Bleed American</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/45R6DmpsaoqLujIn6qPTPH">Earshot – Wait</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6n8TMVyFKoUmDc4apxceRD">Linkin Park – Breaking The Habit</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5YXr4AGfUQpLSxtFSsKUh6">Muse – Map Of The Problematique</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0CwYG1UnRmOx8Q1EzElCIL">Shinedown – Second Chance</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5f6cTFoUenDiCJDGecYiuB">Lifehouse – Broken</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1yxHLyIGKgYqd6b10QZbFM">Switchfoot – Concrete Girl</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6ZXMvXg2zm5JfZJCBzjLI4">Bush – The Sound of Winter</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4IoYz8XqqdowINzfRrFnhi">The Fray – You Found Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3l2S2RkGG4lbh7WqmCV3NB">Lana Del Rey – Ride</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1UWbBFaZNksb3AmgldkprR">Joy Division – Isolation - 2007 Re-mastered</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1UQUJlTPbdufUmBU3RQ83q">The Veronicas – Hook Me Up</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0AiAVFWgZiPnm7QrxH39Ns">Red – Confession (What's Inside My Head)</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/29aCzWypaMOYAwfRkk71UQ">The Barr Brothers – Beggar in the Morning</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3ZFwuJwUpIl0GeXsvF1ELf">Metallica – Nothing Else Matters</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3Zo6R22retEhAnQBbam5As">Bright Eyes – Sunrise, Sunset</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3LI3snzdIDaSEwLEMlrY4C">Daughtry – Gone</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/60OKW0mZiPFHVpHl3eHueg">10 Years – Fix Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6BDF9S8M9qU4jOd5IjxoFo">Foo Fighters – Razor</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0oNiYKgINhqhPuwE9LTlj1">3 Doors Down – Changes</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0PXWpNBYg52gABrn1qL1bD">Matchbox Twenty – Unwell - Remastered Version</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6dRAAG4sB71NAtVCHJep7s">Chevelle – Send the Pain Below</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6HaQ8ZNRoz1OE9GjSfHTRT">Marilyn Manson – Coma White</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/31sHJoAm8PA9Sv0faEf9jR">Counting Crows – Perfect Blue Buildings - 1994/Live At Elysée Montmartre, Paris</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5ypAFYT4RsqdteEZ9xB0hf">Counting Crows – Round Here - 1994/Live At Elysée Montmartre, Paris</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6O0M1AI970lqFzIZylQ4FG">Counting Crows – Round Here</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6I4NMZpjhYe28OPMuqJWp8">Counting Crows – Perfect Blue Buildings</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/656QPKga3O2hMcBerlJdSG">Hurricane Bells – Monsters</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2YC6ET3q1F29B0V7UcPV70">Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3WWXaKWdIcRdvhxteF9MD3">Green Day – Lazy Bones</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3I7bOKGX8oxIQHFThQxtH4">Fun. – At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3IIpy5Xjha68QLNklBwFOw">Graham Nash – Another Sleep Song</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6PUIzlqotEmPuBfjbwYWOB">Lana Del Rey – Summertime Sadness [Lana Del Rey vs. Cedric Gervais] - Cedric Gervais Remix / Radio Edit</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5MxNLUsfh7uzROypsoO5qe">Aerosmith – Dream On</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2Tie8bREhDZfCnMrWa9lDJ">Creed – My Own Prison</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2hKdd3qO7cWr2Jo0Bcs0MA">Train – Drops of Jupiter</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4M13hC6sdFmvKCJ2MhKEbi">Neil Young – Old Man</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/39CGrUZUozjtjgAASzzB56">Simon & Garfunkel – The Sound Of Silence</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1NmT81xi5gL7xAAtde3EYi">Peter, Paul and Mary – I'm In Love With A Big Blue Frog</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5WEctcGxrja4rzOwOJUPJ6">Korn – Alone I Break</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5r8Z0FPTunpqFSGfYb6Qbe">Mindset – I Hate You Don't Leave Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3CzOoYfw7mj5jMHGsJp9TG">Flyleaf – I'm So Sick</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7k9iVpyeR5ybSPSkvmAP6K">Flyleaf – All Around Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2MGpDu11Ute4wFJxaM7m0u">Flyleaf – Fully Alive</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/1X937gcn6Bub06IdNOvrfS">Her Space Holiday – Japanese Gum</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0ussSlcMQKDSKkr9prrmZX">Björk – Unravel</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3SP1vnveK1mvMc6U8Sl7VM">Dashboard Confessional – Bend And Not Break</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4wTdIPoTgldrXGQN5Nzg7q">AHS Project – American Horror Story Theme (Long Version)</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/07q9J9qjdpHKtCLR051Ct1">Speedy Ortiz – American Horror</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/07q9J9qjdpHKtCLR051Ct1">Speedy Ortiz – American Horror</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5hwrGt6JjNRaec35dbPz5V">AHS Project – American Horror Story Theme (Tv Version)</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0c1iL21nLuQNZTWiijOZUG">Garbage – Only Happy When It Rains</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6rVEF2IhVjREbnBypGhLIc">Missy Higgins – Where I Stood</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0t9Jd84JnsV8HRMaQzHUom">Apocalyptica – I Don't Care</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/7mQwxVogsnpR3h6AJLQLlR">Taproot – Poem</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/4871nNWGGeXzrEtVg0kvoA">Rev Theory – Broken Bones</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2rvQcywLsA5gl1n01iF6GN">Oren Lavie – Her Morning Elegance</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/5BrxQCdse2b424hlurCvGz">Red – Breathe Into Me</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3yZQk5PC52CCmT4ZaTIKvv">Panic! At The Disco – This Is Gospel</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/2fr0Vmt1YlEr8XRWrj4pXB">K's Choice – Now Is Mine</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6eRFoNc1KDjl7kltu5vSEl">K's Choice – Everything For Free</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6zrSuv18vyjWRi8LDsIdQG">K's Choice – 20,000 Seconds</a><br />
<a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/0yVzAijfXcqyTlycHj4vzj">Parov Stelar – Shine feat. Lilja Bloom</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-44564757211108373252014-03-02T22:52:00.001-07:002014-03-02T22:52:50.530-07:00POSITIVES of Borderline Personality Disorder!!!<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QlCW3vvPfu0" width="480"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-44932474573137584312014-02-28T20:55:00.001-07:002014-02-28T20:55:24.435-07:00I'm Angry<p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">I keep getting angry at the fact that I don't remember all of the abuse. He confessed to my mother and judge of more details than I can even imagine. He said that I wanted it and liked it. I'm angry at the fact that he did that. I'm angry that I can be so ruined mentally over something I don't even remember. I realize that it must be there somewhere and that it's eating me from inside. But I'm angry that my mind would deceive me that way. I'm angry at the parole board for letting him go from the time he got from the abuse of my baby sister though he confessed of what he did to me and my other sister. I'm angry that I will never have MY day in court due to the statute of limitations. I'm angry at my mother for not knowing or not believing her intuition. I'm angry at myself for feeling so sorry for myself when my abuse is in the PAST while other children are enduring it at this moment. I'm angry at myself for letting his grip on me remain after all theses years. I'm angry that my conception kept my parents together even though she was leaving him because he beat her. I'm angry that she continued the pregnancy. I'm angry at myself for taking that first breath.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><p></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-33687567176495026412014-02-27T20:46:00.001-07:002014-02-27T20:46:53.406-07:00Life<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><div style='width:400px;margin:0 auto'><div style='position:relative;'><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/life/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114827338' target='_blank'><img force='1' border='0' height='405' title='Life' src='http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/2OhljoWxvC8DqK3JlLBKrA/cid/114827338/id/KF4j9iqg4xGogzhNDXURzQ/size/c400x405.jpg' alt='Life' width='400'/></a></div></div><br/><div style='text-align:center'><small><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/life/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114827338' target='_blank'>Life</a> by <a href='http://bpdghost.polyvore.com/?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger' target='_blank'>bpdghost</a> featuring <a href='http://www.polyvore.com/yellow_home_accessories/shop?query=yellow+home+accessories' target='_blank'>yellow home accessories</a></small></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-9310787889422795782014-02-23T21:49:00.001-07:002014-02-23T21:49:08.873-07:00Sharp Swallow<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><div style='width:400px;margin:0 auto'><div style='position:relative;'><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/sharp_swallow/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114469353' target='_blank'><img force='1' border='0' height='529' title='Sharp Swallow' src='http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/MEICFz0qmaJE3ypzzUbOQ/cid/114469353/id/oDCz-g6d4xG6SkKZO-wIHA/size/c400x529.jpg' alt='Sharp Swallow' width='400'/></a></div></div><br/><div style='text-align:center'><small><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/sharp_swallow/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114469353' target='_blank'>Sharp Swallow</a> by <a href='http://bpdghost.polyvore.com/?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger' target='_blank'>bpdghost</a> on <a href='http://www.polyvore.com/' target='_blank'>Polyvore</a></small></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-80267396197133142612014-02-23T20:09:00.001-07:002014-02-23T20:09:28.486-07:00My Mountain<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><div style='width:400px;margin:0 auto'><div style='position:relative;'><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/my_mountain/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114461923' target='_blank'><img force='1' border='0' height='317' title='My Mountain' src='http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/NS3q7f4AEDFInk2xgZGOg/cid/114461923/id/Zh5KEgGd4xGQH3BoDXURzQ/size/c400x317.jpg' alt='My Mountain' width='400'/></a></div></div><br/><div style='text-align:center'><small><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/my_mountain/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114461923' target='_blank'>My Mountain</a> by <a href='http://bpdghost.polyvore.com/?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger' target='_blank'>bpdghost</a> featuring <a href='http://www.polyvore.com/tree_home_decor/shop?query=tree+home+decor' target='_blank'>tree home decor</a></small></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-60790388862317174732014-02-23T01:06:00.001-07:002014-02-23T01:06:38.527-07:00WAR<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><div style='width:400px;margin:0 auto'><div style='position:relative;'><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/war/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114361122' target='_blank'><img force='1' border='0' height='388' title='WAR' src='http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/NS6DeMNX5SK19M6SxZ0dtw/cid/114361122/id/4nYZZGGc4xGeqHgLlZXARQ/size/c400x388.jpg' alt='WAR' width='400'/></a></div></div><br/><div style='text-align:center'><small><a href='http://www.polyvore.com/war/set?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger&id=114361122' target='_blank'>WAR</a> by <a href='http://bpdghost.polyvore.com/?.embedder=9691287&.svc=blogger' target='_blank'>bpdghost</a> featuring <a href='http://www.polyvore.com/wall_art/shop?category_id=142' target='_blank'>wall art</a></small></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-11932464352506386452014-02-19T02:11:00.000-07:002014-02-19T02:21:07.554-07:00Life Worth Living<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg251BO7-DD_yZDS_czjRsuFZxRRagZktfcDXpBm0FYMyBsSunQF1a1TTlFAYC817elVQEuudL92pKuEsdg5qTOQhzubIGN2kplz2-65vru7PTzqlEvxH3_lwU-jMclIhumfY4Nbegr/s1600/bpd_borderline-personality-disorder_dbt-skills_change_quality-of-life.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg251BO7-DD_yZDS_czjRsuFZxRRagZktfcDXpBm0FYMyBsSunQF1a1TTlFAYC817elVQEuudL92pKuEsdg5qTOQhzubIGN2kplz2-65vru7PTzqlEvxH3_lwU-jMclIhumfY4Nbegr/s1600/bpd_borderline-personality-disorder_dbt-skills_change_quality-of-life.png" height="290" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I was born with a biological predisposition to emotional dysregulation, which means I'm highly sensitive, highly reactive and slow return to baseline. Then, my invalidating and inconsistent family environment lead me to have difficulty tolerating stress, poor communication skills, and irrational thinking. Now I don't trust my own judgement. I have low self-esteem, identity crisis and don't know how to self-soothe. Everything is mood driven - the moment is what counts. NOT the overall goal. I never learned that </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">“Thoughts are not facts, emotions are not facts”.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">One example of an invalidating environment is when I told my step-mom about some of my private experiences of abuse, she said that her dad did it too. She explained that my father had repented and cried a lot. So I should be able to forgive him and move on.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">I invalidate my own experiences, thoughts and feelings based on the idea that I am over-reacting. </span>I was always told that I was over-reacting. I still am.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I have a lot of distorted thinking. I look at things in absolute, black and white categories. People in my life are either on a pedestal or in the depths of hell. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I also dwell on the negatives. I discount my achievements, because all of my failures outweigh them. They don't count.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
I often think others are reacting negatively toward me. Even though I have no idea what they are thinking. If somebody's having a bad day. I just know it's something I've done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
When I make a mistake I tell myself that I'm a loser and an idiot. Rather than admitting that I simply made a mistake.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
There is always somebody to blame. I know that it's either me or somebody else.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">I'd like to learn DBT skills so that I can learn to live rather than react to life. I want to be able to feel "normal" and good about myself. I'd like to be able to go into public without dread. I'd like to stop harming myself so I can appear "normal". I want to be able to have a good reputation. I want to be somebody that people can trust and have a long friendship with. I want to be able to hang out with friends and family.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">Behaviors to decrease</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">1. I'd like to not have such a chaotic relationship with those in my life.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">2. I'd like to be able to label my emotions and moods.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">Behaviors to Increase</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">1. I'd like to be able to relate to people in a positive and smooth manner.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">2. I want to b</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">e more flexible and approachable</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">3. I'd like to be able to regulate my emotions on my own without turning to self harm or other destructive behaviors.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. I'd like to be able to be mindful on a regular basis.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;">References: </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">SP, DBT Classes</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">David Burns, M.D., Adapted from “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Skills Training Manual page 107</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">Alec L. Miller, Jill H, Rathus, Marsha M. Linehan, “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy with Suicidal Adolescents”, pages 311 and 312</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-16104026352287924652014-02-18T22:10:00.001-07:002014-02-19T01:00:19.971-07:00Join the BPD Polyvore Art Group<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/borderline_personality_disorder/group.show?id=177076" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFFs51xU5ysc1xYO8RSA60Elvjd4fhDU7ym4WoyabIyxO9TKxOZpXR6lVURWxElpkhYQNR1TmjhLowX3zPswlDqSSlnfaIqdt18LdkBsyKWH02l9-uyX1ElH1EqX_PwlAizfEQxiXG/s1600/borderline_personality_disorder_polyvore_group-med.png" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-4464757926737974292014-02-16T22:08:00.001-07:002014-02-16T22:08:33.237-07:00M3 Score 2-16-14<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9noob2sziKeYahtyDIQNU9SqTtLZTSoJolsVoubD95a5WS4_sgarGCC68r7snc_mu6vUQiVEgITf3tUDUjFAd9JlEUxzw_a_g23HKAhkkJ6Leef9eRnhRavy13bDeHQARnwhLfZK/s640/blogger-image--31209343.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9noob2sziKeYahtyDIQNU9SqTtLZTSoJolsVoubD95a5WS4_sgarGCC68r7snc_mu6vUQiVEgITf3tUDUjFAd9JlEUxzw_a_g23HKAhkkJ6Leef9eRnhRavy13bDeHQARnwhLfZK/s640/blogger-image--31209343.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-10327448335535372082014-02-14T02:00:00.000-07:002014-02-14T02:03:14.818-07:00Not Real<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifOY3IvVi9vV8ldJJCtWtFQwBxntsD1e9BCnBkqyr31ge_aIPo-j4rWpdjbGG7dkbgyeFhLfopEVWNTf5a7Rd6lmpFjhAxxypiEdrj0aDrvLcSpStQT9OoJ-bwjvEwmYrfz8wEWesY/s1600/i'm+not+real.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifOY3IvVi9vV8ldJJCtWtFQwBxntsD1e9BCnBkqyr31ge_aIPo-j4rWpdjbGG7dkbgyeFhLfopEVWNTf5a7Rd6lmpFjhAxxypiEdrj0aDrvLcSpStQT9OoJ-bwjvEwmYrfz8wEWesY/s1600/i'm+not+real.png" height="200" width="138" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I never got a chance to be good. I was bad from the start. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I never got to know what it feels like to be pure.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I never got to be honest. I had lies to keep. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've had permanent black tar all over my body.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I may learn to live like a person but I will never be real.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048707299638662322.post-50469774307460453072014-02-11T22:35:00.002-07:002014-02-11T22:35:43.316-07:00Think of the last time you were really angry. Why was that?<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNx5pQIPGgdrQLYLgRljh0jlDtM75yUWyrNCLsze9MiwPMJUyGcLEiLh9DEjH4Zgf07R2ACW9vXw593aq26bx-FdBJt94i_zl3-bFzpc3HV_swX-g20kz2ECbVJDh4fD8TBTDeLtBt/s1600/anger.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNx5pQIPGgdrQLYLgRljh0jlDtM75yUWyrNCLsze9MiwPMJUyGcLEiLh9DEjH4Zgf07R2ACW9vXw593aq26bx-FdBJt94i_zl3-bFzpc3HV_swX-g20kz2ECbVJDh4fD8TBTDeLtBt/s1600/anger.png" height="126" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think of the last time you were really angry. Why was that?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For me, the last time I was really angry is two days ago. I was watching a BPD YouTube playlist. It came to a guy that just put down people with BPD and said that we are dangerous. He said that people should stay away. It made me so angry because it felt like he was being a bigot. It felt like he was judging me as a person without even getting to know me. I felt personally attacked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I tried not to let some guy I didn't know or need to know control my feelings. I knew I was being stupid. I am even still mad at myself for letting it trigger me for a few days. I even cut because of it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's so stupid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Please comment.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10619024289512605207noreply@blogger.com0