Hopes for Sir Mix-a-Lot

July 22st, 1992

Hi diarea,

Man I'm tired. Do you want to know what I did today? I woke up, took a shower, Jed came over, I kissed him, he left, I got dressed, went to work, worked 10 1/2 hours, Jed came to work, I went home, we said "Goodbye" in my room, I went to bed after writing to mister diary. Dull life huh? God. I'm tired from working. I went in at 1:30 am and got off at 9:15 pm. Man, that goodbye sooo disappointing. We were interrupted 10 times at least. 3 times in 5 minutes. Finally my dad came home and knocked on the door. Then Jed went home. Sad huh? I'll bet we'll never get another goodbye like the one we got jul.17. Well, then again... you'll never know. Tomorrow I'm going to get my paycheck after work, Then I'm gonna cash it and go shopping. I hope Jed goes with me. Sir Mix a lot is coming in concert Saturday. I really want to take Jed. I'll ask him tomorrow if he wants to go. I hope he does & I hope the tickets aren't all sold out yet. Except the only problem is that it's at the Fair-park. That's the same place that Vanilla Ice was at that I took MBu to. It was so dumb. It was so unprepared. I hope Mix-a-lot isn't like that. Hey, do you know something weird that happened? A while ago I got a check at work that was written to us but was left at the quality inn till. The check was from Medina Concerts Inc. and in the memo was written Rooms For Sir-mix-a-lot. I couldn't find the AR so I just made a copy & deposited it. I wonder if they went through us to get Sir-Mix-a lots room for his concert Saturday. I wonder if that's what that check was!? How cool! I hope so! Man my body heart is so stressed right now. It's all confused. I can't really explain it. It's just weird!
Ghost
Age 16

Maybe I Do Love Him

Jul. 21st, 1992

Hi guy-head,

How's life? Well actually you should be asking me that. Well. It's okay. Jed was just here. He stayed not longer than two minutes. I wish I could be with him all day. I want another goodbye. But as much as I want one, I have a feeling we'll never get one again. Oh well. Maybe I really do love him. I don't know. Maybe it's just love that I love. I'm going to get up now. Take a shower and be to work by eleven. I want to go home early today. Either that or get overtime.

c ya!

 -Ghost
16 years.

Maybe it's Love that I Love

July 21, 1992

Hi guy-head,

How's life? Well actually you should be asking me that. Well. It's okay. JV was just here. He stayed not longer than two minutes. I wish I could be with him all day. I want another goodbye. But as much as I want one, I have a feeling we'll never get one again. Oh well. Maybe I really do love him. I don't know. Maybe it's just love that I love. I'm going to get up now. Take a shower & be to work by eleven. I want to go home early today. Either that or get overtime.

c ya!

 -Ghost.
Age 16

I Feel Nothing

Jul. 20th, 1992 

Mister Diarreah head.

I don't know how to spell that. (diarreah) sad huh? Man. Mister Diary, I guess it's fine to face reality. I'll start from the beginning. I really did believe that I loved Jed. But... now. I really don't think I do, or even did. Right now, I fee nothing for him. Nope-Nadda! It's dull. When I'm with him it's just like... boring. He doesn't excite me anymore. And if it were real love it woudln't have faded that fast. Maybe it was just that I wanted a boyfriend so bad. I got my kisses-and now I'm not into Vincent-Head any more. It's not that I'm sick of him. I'm just not in love with him. It's time to face the facts. Except I don't know what to do now. You know how much I hate break-upness. It causes pain, revenge, and hate. I don't want to hate Jed and I don't want him to hate me. But if I stick with the relationship I might get real sick of him and end up being cruel to him in the end. I like having "boyfriend" around. I wonder why I am so cruel to him though. Sometimes when he hugs me I feel so uncomfortable and other times I love it. Why? And when it makes me feel uncomfortable it makes me feel Really Uncomfortable and I don't' know why. I guess I just don't like guys touching me, but then again I love it! Doesn't that make any sense. I've got a lot of thinking to do.

--Ghost

I Spend My Life Saying "Goodbye"

Unknown Date

Why does it feel like I spend my whole life saying goodbye? Most of my entries have been about saying goodbye to somebody. Why can't I write more about saying hello? I would like to write more about sweet love and romantic gestures. I would like to write about the happiness in the world. I'm sick of my heart breaking. I'm sick of being so alone. All I want is for somebody to stick by me through thick and thin. Aren't the good things about me more than the bad? It hasn't appeared so by the results I've gotten. Is the only option for me to find love is finding another crazy one like me? I thought that Greg was mine. I thought there were no conditions. I thought that it was "I love you" meant. Why would he tell me that he did if he could just throw me away like that? I was thrown away in favor of somebody better. And she smokes!! He would rather be with somebody who smokes? Am I that bad? Maybe I should hide who I am more. Not be so ready and willing to let it be known. In that case if they ever find out they would admire me for being so strong. That's what I will do from now on. I will only present the pleasantries. If there are any. Otherwise maybe I should keep my mouth shut.