Friday, March 6, 1992

I Spend My Life Saying "Goodbye"

Unknown Date

Why does it feel like I spend my whole life saying goodbye? Most of my entries have been about saying goodbye to somebody. Why can't I write more about saying hello? I would like to write more about sweet love and romantic gestures. I would like to write about the happiness in the world. I'm sick of my heart breaking. I'm sick of being so alone. All I want is for somebody to stick by me through thick and thin. Aren't the good things about me more than the bad? It hasn't appeared so by the results I've gotten. Is the only option for me to find love is finding another crazy one like me? I thought that Greg was mine. I thought there were no conditions. I thought that it was "I love you" meant. Why would he tell me that he did if he could just throw me away like that? I was thrown away in favor of somebody better. And she smokes!! He would rather be with somebody who smokes? Am I that bad? Maybe I should hide who I am more. Not be so ready and willing to let it be known. In that case if they ever find out they would admire me for being so strong. That's what I will do from now on. I will only present the pleasantries. If there are any. Otherwise maybe I should keep my mouth shut.